Steve Tyler Lawson

In grade school, they called me weird, geek, and fag—mere plebeian interpretations of my unconventional behavior and eclectic interests: science, science fiction, spirituality, and the world around me. When I became interested in girls and they made it clear they weren’t interested in me, those other interests provided a comforting distraction. Though my interests made me a pariah—and though I chose to be angry about it—I never abandoned my curiosity. I coped with the pressure to conform by becoming quiet and reserved.

I populated my secret world with comic books: The Amazing Spider-Man, The Spectacular Spider-Man, and Marvel Team-Up with Spider-Man. Okay, yeah, I was obsessed with Spider-Man—but also Dr. Strange, The Incredible Hulk, The Fantastic Four, The Tick, and, of course, Groo. There were many more, but you get the idea.

Other than comic books and my science magazines, I hated reading—probably because of the trauma inflicted by the Dick & Jane Incident. I still remember sitting in a circle with my fellow first graders, each of us holding a copy of Dick and Jane in our laps. The teacher had us read aloud, taking turns around the circle. Eventually, it was my turn.

See Dick run. Run, Dick, run. See Jane run. Run, Jane, run—

I paused, looked up with a smirk, and said, Perhaps they had the runs, which got me banished to the corner.

Actually, my primary-school insubordination began much earlier. All my kindergarten report cards were marked unsatisfactory, and my rebellion continued throughout grade school. At home, I played with my chemistry set, the monthly Things of Science kits mailed to our door, or read my monthly Nature & Science magazine. A gift of the Science Fair 50-in-1 Electronics Kit from Radio Shack introduced me to electronics.

At school, bored, I sculpted figures from modeling clay in the book well beneath my desk. I also sold Creepy Crawly plastic critters to my classmates when the teacher wasn’t looking. I manufactured them at home with my Mattel Thing Maker—I can still smell the Plastigoop fumes.

If you’re noticing a trend, you’re right: I essentially educated myself—a mode of learning that extended into my adult life, when I passed myself off first as an electronics technician and later as a software engineer. Later on, I was diagnosed with a learning disability, so if I ever get my hands on a time machine, I plan to go back and vindicate my young self.

I regarded homework as an invasion of my personal space and rebelled against it on principle.

It wasn’t until my eleventh birthday that I discovered recreational reading. My favorite grandfather—who was soon to become even more beloved—gave me S Is for Space by Ray Bradbury.

I loved that book. Its short stories ignited my imagination. Once I learned that I could borrow books for free, I rushed to the local library and filled out an application for a library card.

I devoured R Is for Rocket and The Illustrated Man. I couldn’t stuff the words into my eyeballs fast enough. After that, I plowed through the works of Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Lester del Rey, Frank Herbert, and J. R. R. Tolkien. I discovered Philip K. Dick later in life, but he also deserves a place in that lineup.

Some of my favorite movies are:

• 2001: A Space Odyssey [I could watch it another fifty times and still love it.]
• The original Star Wars trilogy—Episodes IV, V, and VI.
• Star Trek: The Motion Picture [Yeah, I actually love that movie!] Also Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, featuring one of my favorite places on the planet: the Monterey Bay Aquarium—near another of my favorite places on the planet, the
  exp

  ratorium.
• Harold and Maude [Like I said, eclectic tastes.]
• Galaxy Quest [!!]
• My Fair Lady [One of these days, I plan to rip the DVD, load the resulting file into a video editor, and replace Marni Nixon’s overdub with Audrey Hepburn’s original vocals. Not that there is anything wrong with Nixon’s voice—it’s loverly—but Hepburn’s performance is delightfully raw and captures the character so much better.]
• There are many more, but I just wanted to give you a taste of my tastes.

Are you getting a sense of why those grade-school bullies called me a fag?

Yeah, I was weird, and I still am. I don’t care much about sports—I’d rather watch Doctor Who than a football game. I have a passing interest in golf, and I do enjoy the Super Bowl, but don’t look for me at a Super Bowl party—or any party, for that matter. I hate parties; they wear me out, as does socializing in general.

A handful of people are exceptions, including my wife, who is also my best friend. They tend to be open-minded and neither judgmental nor inclined to manipulate or control others.

Essentially, I’m an agnostic hermit who appreciates Buddhism as a guide for decent living and wishes people would simply live and let live.

I suspect I’m on the autism spectrum, which would explain a lot.